Remorse

Spotted!

2009-07-27T20:47:00.011+08:00

Due to too much depression since the previous week, I had been thirsting for some beer. So when I heard that some of my closest friends at work will be heading to Muchos (Metro Walk), I offered myself if I could join as well. lol I wanted to veer some thoughts so as much as possible, I wanted to be with my friends most of the time. Okay, so I came along with them, had too much food, too much fun, too much camwhoring and pow! I was spotted to be wearing his ring, still. As you all know, I am now counting down the days 'til he'll be taking the ring back. So I'm savoring every moment while I'm still wearing it. This ring means so much to me though it doesn't seem that way for him. He knows that I never removed this ring from my finger unless it's really needed. I love this ring as much as I love the man who gave it to me. He may not believe my words anymore but I speak the truth. You'll feel it.

I'm gonna miss this ring for the rest of my life...

His request...

2009-07-27T17:28:00.005+08:00

He had been requesting this pic from me, a pic where I am holding a piece of paper with I Love Papa Rei written on it. Regrettably, I wasn't able to grant him this one until we parted our ways. I'm sorry Papa. You may not need this anymore but as they always say, better late than never. :)

MP3

2009-07-27T16:59:00.011+08:00

I bought this MP3 for him, about June last year. It's because of my girlfriend Shely, she convinced me to get one for Rey because it would somehow lessen his boredom if he could listen to his fave music while he's on a trip. I have downloaded him his fave songs but unfortunately, it got broken before he headed to Baguio. He was able to use it for only a couple of days, when he was still in Bicutan. It accidentally fell on the floor then that's it. Sad :( I didn't bothered to replace it anymore 'coz 168 mall is out of my way.

I still have the MP3 until now. In fact, I didn't know I've kept it. lol :P Maybe it was meant to be kept. I just saw it somewhere in my room and reminded me a lot.

I miss. I miss. :(

I am so proud of you Mama

2009-07-25T22:39:00.019+08:00

Click Thumbnails to View Image :)

I may no longer hear those words from him, but I know that He will always be.

I had been very busy for the past months doing an endorsement project for VOIM. We haven't came up with the final concept yet, we're still doin' rounds of try outs until we get thumbs up from VOIM Korea. It was a good opportunity for us to show them what we've got. I was able to bring out the best in me not knowing I have those talents. Yay! :) Anyhow, though I get to amuse myself thru it, I still feel incomplete. I miss sharing the good news with him. I miss how he'd tell me how proud he is for me. He's always been so proud of me, even if he's already sacrificing his own happiness. It's sad, but I know deep in my heart that he really is.

To you,
I may no longer feel your presence but I know you check up on me thru here once in while, and I would like to thank you for that. Thank you for always being the first person to be so proud of me. :)

-- Dikya

Papa, gutom...

2009-07-25T21:11:00.005+08:00

I miss eating out with him. It's so much fun having a meal with him. He knows that I eat a lot, really a lot. He knows that I easily get full as much as I easily get hungry. He knows what I want and he knows what I dislike. He loves kare-kare though we seldom eat it 'coz I hate veggies. lol He loves chili sauce as much as he loves me (well, before). He loves this Big Gulp from 711 and how can I forget the Cobra drink? :) I so miss the KFC and Chowking days. Who's gonna eat my left overs now? :(

Oh, how I miss you Jelly Bean. :( It's so sad that it's all over. No more happy meals for us. We won't be sharing drinks anymore. *sigh* Well, atleast you now have someone to share meals with. Unlike me, still got a long way to find mine. {-_-} Anyhow, I wish that you'd always remember the times that we shared. You've made me really happy. For that, I love you always.

August

2009-07-23T20:48:00.002+08:00

Yeah we planned to meet next month 'coz he'll be taking back the ring from me. I'm now having mixed feelings. I hate this. Before, I used to be very excited whenever he would come down here and spend the whole weekend with me, but it's a whole lot different now. I can't be happy at all 'coz things are not the same anymore and this might be the last.

I know I have to be positive. I should visualize things positively for me to get a good upshot. I am not demanding nor insisting but I AM HOPING that things would turn out well. Not that I'm asking for balikan, I just hope that the friendship we once had won't fail us this time.

His very rare smile...

2009-07-22T20:48:00.018+08:00

that once belonged to me.

When he was still a stranger to me, I thought that this guy doesn't even know how to smile. Oh well, first impressions never last. When we were together, he proved me wrong. If you think that our journey was filled only with tears, you're wrong. It was fun and full of laughters as well. I am so glad and proud that I am once the every reason of his every smile. He rarely does it so whenever he do, I make sure to have it captured. Tadaaaa~ :D

I already have a girlfriend...

2009-07-22T20:10:00.005+08:00

"Someone has already taken your place."

Those are the words that broke my heart. I was totally devastated by my grief when he told me those words. I just can't believe it. The man who have loved me the most is now the rudest person to assure me those words. But of course, I can never put the blame on him. I broke my promises, I destroyed his dreams and I ruined his life. It's just sad to think that I have to go through a heart-breaking experience to realize my wrong doings. I've had my chances, more than enough chances but I took it all for granted. I deserve all of these and I don't have any right to get mad at him. Yeah, I cried. A lot of times. That's the only way I could get some ease with what I'm going through right now. I didn't know it would hurt this much. Like it's so unbearable. I am not bitter. Not this time. Whoever he's with right now, I am happy for him. Because I love him, and it's just now that I fully understood the meaning of unconditional love. You are more than willing to sacrifice your own happiness for the one you love. And that's what I exactly feel for him right now. I maybe jealous at times but I need to remember that it was all my fault. Have a happy life Rei.

Also, I want to thank my friends and all the people around me who never gets tired of cheering me up. Thank you for all the words of wisdom that's keeping me strong. Thank you so much.

My Toenails

2009-07-22T15:38:00.007+08:00

I know I don't have the most beautiful toenails in the world.
In fact, I consider mine as one of the worsts. lol. Even so, someone appreciated them. Yay! :) He loves looking at them, touching them and he even dared to kiss them. He just so love my toenails. He's the only one who ever appreciated them. He loves them most when they're painted black. So sweet of him. Thank you Jelly Bean. :)

E-mail

2009-07-21T22:23:00.010+08:00

Click Image to View :)

Everyday, I do check my e-mails. Out of nowhere, I came across this e-mail. Yeah it's from him. This e-mail reminded me so much of what we had. It made me regret a lot. It almost killed me. This e-mail is a sure thing that would make me weep for the rest of my life.

The Ring

2009-07-21T21:50:00.005+08:00

He gave me this ring July 2 last year, before he left for Baguio. I can still remember how he proposed marriage to me. That was the sweetest thing a guy ever did to me. The ring is not just an ordinary fancy ring you know, it's a family heirloom.
I felt so happy when he wore me that ring while saying the words,

Will you marry me?

Hearing those words from him made my heart melt. I was the happiest girl in the whole universe. Since the day he has given it to me, I've always worn it. It made me feel like he's always with me no matter how far he is from me that time.

Oh well, He may have taken back the ring already, but it will always be a part of me.

It's my heart and He owns my heart.

So Much for Our Happy Ending

2009-07-21T20:19:00.010+08:00

We met wayback in 2007 in a company where we used to work. He was a TC there while I'm the receptionist. I recall, my good friend Aia would always tell me, 'Tin may papakilala 'ko sa'yo. Si Rey. Mabait yun! Mahilig mag-pick up line.', and I was like, okhhhay. The first time I had a talk with him was on my third day in the office, me thinks. He approached me if he could leave his bulky-blue-backpack in the reception area for a while, bet he's about to head to Baguio after his shift that time. The next bumps are just normal, like he would ask for a stapler, a pen, post-its and stuff. I find him nice though he doesn't smile and also I find him cryptic at the same time. Maybe because he doesn't talk much and mingle with other people there. Weeks passed, I realize that his pick-up lines are already becoming a part of my daily life. And him as well. I love every morning that passed, I get to see him at the HR Office for the TC meeting. He brightens up my day though he's not aware of it. Months passed, I could say that eventually, the feeling has become mutual. I remember when he joked on me, 'You take care of the kids!', that really made my heart melt. I remember the first time we went out together, it was after his shift, we met at McDonald's Strata then headed to 711 at Emerald Mansion. That was the first drinking session I had with him. It was fun and unforgettable. We got the chance to know each other more. We got boozed up that night meaning he ended up taking me home. All the 'firsts' happened that very night. No regrets at all. Sorry readers, have to leave it here. lol. After that, we started seeing each other more often. But there's 'A LOT' that happened in between before we became officially together. There's too much of us that made us strong along our journey. I never felt that struggling a battle can be that easy as long as you have the one you love with you.

Eventually we found peace. Everything was settled, we were able to live a happy married life together. For almost 3 years that we've been together, I'd say that those are the great times of my life. Indeed it is. All the pain, blood and tears are all worth it. I love him so much. This will sound funny to him but it's all true and sure. Until now, I do. (I Love You Rey)

I want to grab this opportunity to make this statement, you may ask, 'Why did it come to an end?'

"IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. I've had my chances to make up for my mistakes but I took it for granted."

It's just a big regret to think that the love we once fought for just turned out to be a love story that's needed to be told and shared to everyone to give inspiration and lesson. But like what I always say,

It may have ended too soon, but it's the same old love I'd want to have again.

Enduring The Pain

2009-07-21T14:25:00.002+08:00

I can say that I'm pretty matured now but not completely responsible with life. My life is more than enough to say that I am strong, and I am brave. but still I have this weakness...... REI.

I am now living rather trying to start living a life alone. Physically, He's not here but emotionally and mentally, he's always with me, in my heart. It's hard when the person you used to live life with, has to be away for a while. He's been my knight and shining armour. I've tried considering a lot of facts to absorb the recent situation, the reality. But I just ended up telling my self, 'I'm in love, so much in love. There's no way I'd understand reality.'

The saddest moment (before He left), was when He accompanied me to the MRT for I was about to be late already, I held his hand as I walk away from Him and finally let go. :( When I looked back, I saw Him standing from a far in the middle of a crowd like He's the only person I can see, I saw Him staring at me and smiling. I smiled back at Him and whispered 'I LOVE YOU'. I turned my back and burst into tears once more. :(

It's hard but I have to say this,

'til we meet again Papa. :('

REMORSE

2009-07-21T14:15:00.002+08:00

As the hour closes Its hands to an end
My mind is troubled with distant memories.
I pray that it what we have could still be mend
You waltz inside and inside my mind I strain and cry.

I have prayed Long and hard
For things Of what once were.
It crumbles down like a house of cards.
Death would haVe been easier than onE could bear.

2 lives intertwined like vines on a wall
Not a care or worrY in the world where we go.
Fate nOw intervenes and like leaves we fall
We crUmble to nothing for worms to feed.

So Sad we bid our farewells like this
For we have nOt said all what could be said.
My thoughts is of you in every as I do my duties
At home or somewhere else it will never fade.

Not the happiest song could express tiMe with you
Nor the saddest song when we woUld part.
You begged to be forgotten muCh like strangers bid adieu.
I still feel restless and my thougHts are half hearted.

Couldn’t we geT along? Or has hate been pushed too far?
These questIons linger on my mind like your image.
I wish to hold you but restraiNed and stare from afar.
Were wounded and scared for us to bear until the End of our age.